I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Im just a social blackout drinker.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
