can u get pink eye on your cock?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
