she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
