now i know why i became what i already was.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
