just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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