i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
