i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
