idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
