Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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