is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
