Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
