She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
