Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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