So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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