I need to stop coming to work sober
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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