I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
