Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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