Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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