They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
That accounts for only three of the penises
True strength comes from lack of pants
I want to fling myself into the sun
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
