THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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