omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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