She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
