Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
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I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
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A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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