Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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