Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
