last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
