Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
