I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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