Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
