3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
