Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
