Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
