i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
