Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
