How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just googled if crying burns calories
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize