You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
