I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
