I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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