You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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