Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
