Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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