you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
