i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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