It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
