sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
