Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
