John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
