So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
