a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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