were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
there was a trapeze. enough said
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
