Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I met the friendliest cop last night
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
