Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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