Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
