My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We need to get me chipped asap
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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