Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
