I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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