just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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