I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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