hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i will never coherently bang her
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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