I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
