I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
