i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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