Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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