I hate your face
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
