i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm too high and old for this...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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