Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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