Whatcha textin bout Willis?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
