In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Dignity is for republicans.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
