Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You can't motorboat a personality
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
