my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
