I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
dude. I can hear the air.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
