God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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