New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i believe in u and ur pee
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
