My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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