the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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