so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
