Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
