It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize