Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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