New invention idea: vibrating tampons
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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