I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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