I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
