Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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