I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
